A FIFTH GRADE HUMBLING

When I was 23, I taught 5th Grade at an elementary school in Brooklyn. It was my first real job, and probably the hardest one I’ve ever had in my life.

I learned about management from my Principal who had an old school philosophy. She told me that I needed to command respect from my class, otherwise we wouldn’t reach our goals. But that was easier said than done. Respect isn’t commanded, it’s earned.

One day, while conducting a lesson on the American Revolution, I noticed one of my students, Kyle, throwing an orange in the air. He was distracting the class and I asked him to stop. He did not.

At that point, I faced a classic managerial decision: Do I make an example of Kyle for this infraction and send a message to the class or do I wait to address the matter with him in a less public setting?

Feeling my authority tested, I chose to escalate. I angrily marched over to Kyle and demanded he give me the orange.  He refused. Then I leaned over and tried to take it from his hand. As he pulled his hand back, I stumbled and slipped on the floor. I fell down and the class erupted. It was not the outcome I had envisioned. I felt humiliated.

Looking back, I see that my mistake was thinking I needed to be “tough” to be taken seriously as a leader.  And after a long career managing teams, I’ve learned that leading with this energy is both exhausting and a recipe for failure.

Being an effective manager is, at its core, about having a vision and supporting your team to co-create a culture that realizes it.  This happens through clear structures, expectations and solid relationships. Relying on external threats (i.e., yelling and grabbing oranges out of hands) is the fastest way to sour a relationship – and is the epitome of a desperate leader who feels out of control.

The first moment that I acted out of insecurity, I was on a path towards failure--even if I didn’t know it yet.

Today, I coach both newly promoted managers and senior executives – all who are figuring out how to relate to their newfound authority. They want to be respected and they know that taking a punitive approach will undermine their culture. Our work together helps them explore their own leadership style so they can be a dynamic performer and fulfill their potential as a leader.

If you’re interested in developing your leadership in authentic and effective ways, then let’s talk. As your coach I can provide a host of resources to help you get clarity and sharpen your skills in the process.  

Because I promise you that one day in the near future you will see an orange tossed in the air. And when this happens, you want to have the skills to take a deep breath, watch it hit the ground and remember, it’s only an orange—the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

Take Care of Yourselves,

Matt