A JERSEY RULE

There used to be days when I woke up with a pit in my stomach as I thought about the day ahead. My job, helping to open homeless shelters in NYC, made me feel like I was being shoved into a woodchopper. I would show up to community meetings around New York City and be torn to pieces by angry mobs. My goal was to survive the day, and I assumed this is what it meant to be a grown up.

Later, after both kids were asleep, I’d share a glass of wine with my wife before passing out, only to wake up in the morning and do it all again. I felt blessed to have a loving family filled with laughter but also felt overwhelmed by work, parenting, adulting, taking care of sick family members, and longed for something more.

For me, salvation came through a sport that I hadn’t played in more than 20 years: tennis. I loved it as a kid, but forgot about it when I lived in NYC as an adult and started a family. I didn’t have the time, courts were hard to book, and it was easy to pretend I just outgrew it.

But then I moved to the suburbs of New Jersey, where public courts were everywhere. Something deep inside me stirred. I made a conscious choice to give it a shot. This included an excursion to Dick’s Sporting Goods to buy a cheap racket and tennis shoes, and a plea to a local FB group for hitting partners. And it worked!

The morning after my first game in years every muscle in my body hurt. But it was so much fun! The joy of being on the court was unparalleled. And in those 60 minutes, it wasn’t about my job, my family, or anything else but getting the ball over the net. My mind would go completely clear. I had the sensation of being locked in - and that concentration felt like relief.

Experiencing the thwack-thwack pleasure that I was so excited for made a huge difference in my outlook. Now that I play regularly, I feel more focused in so many other parts of my life and have formed new friendships in the process. And I can break a sweat without feeling like I’m being punished (no offense running).

As a coach, I’ve seen first-hand that ignoring our passions can have a devastating effect on our well-being. Even in the midst of all the craziness, allowing ourselves to feel joy can lead to a real sense of renewal.

And with this can come the energy for making change. Just the act of going for it can lead to other positive outcomes. You don’t need to win the US Open, just getting on the court is enough. Call that a Jersey Rule.

So, if you’re walking around in survival mode, waiting for a magical moment when that feeling will change, let me tell you…it’s probably not coming. Not because you are flawed, it’s just hard to make change by ourselves.

That’s why working with a coaching is such a valuable tool.

If you are ready to find your joy and make changes in your life, connect with me. And if you want to hit the courts sometime, I’d love to make that happen too.