Making Through Tough Times

There’s no enlightenment in today’s newsletter. There’s no nirvana. There’s no floating up on a karmic cloud, feeling weightless, with knowledge that elevates you to a higher spiritual plane. Nope. This is about what to do when the moment sucks and there is no end in sight. How do you coach yourself through those times?

Last month, as my business began to resemble something real, everything else in my life was falling apart.  My mother blacked out on the streets of New York City, my father got COVID, both my sons got strep, my youngest son Nathaniel developed a series of tics (maybe related to the strep?), and then I got strep and found myself going into survival mode.

So what to do?

My old approach was to disassociate. Rise and grind and pretend things were okay. I would focus on the task at hand and push everything else away. But a long time ago I realized this took a toll on my family and myself. And in the ensuing years, I’ve worked hard to be more present even when times are hard.

But during this last rough stretch I reverted back to old ways.

I realized this on a Saturday morning. I was sipping a cup of coffee, ruminating relentlessly,  when my 8 year-old son Noah said, “Mom, dad’s being grumpy.” I snapped back to reality. I thought I was just being quiet. I didn’t realize my impact. But I grew up with a moody parent, and didn't want to emulate my past so I knew what I had to do. I took a deep breath and regrouped.

Later that day, I apologized to Noah and made a conscious decision to be more present in the moment. It was hard to do. To sit with unpleasant emotions is uncomfortable. That's why I don't like to do it!

But even when things are hard, there is still joy to be found. So while I was feeling the big emotions, I also made a choice to do things that brought me joy. That included going on a run, listening to my favorite music, watching bad tv with my wife (Bachelor in Paradise I see you) and just being silly with my kids.

Making these choices wasn't easy, but they helped me to be more present. And when I’m more present, I make better decisions and am closer to the kind of person I want to be.

And that's what coaching is all about - helping people develop the tools so they can be their best selves. If you are ready to figure out what really matters to you, what makes you feel alive, and develop an action plan on how to accomplish what you really want - then let's talk. I'm here to help and have an 8 year-old sidekick who tells it like it is and a 4 year-old who can handle the accounting.

In December, I have a few spots left for individual coaching, where we will work to create the kind of life and perspective you want to have. The work isn’t always easy but it’s rewarding, and it might just change your life. Get at me if you want to learn more. And if you are having a tough moment, just know that you aren't alone.